You are older today. Older than you were yesterday, older than you were a year ago, older than you were in your childhood.
Every day, we are transforming. Our values shift with every new experience.
But—do you still see love the same way you did as a child? How about yesterday?
With every passing day, you’ve lived longer and have more experience to draw from. Maybe your perspective on love has changed. Maybe your intentions have changed.
Your understanding of love is maturing.
For the purposes of this exercise, you can choose to define either platonic, romantic, or self love. Or you can define love broadly, as I’ve done with the examples.
So, what is love—today?
Let’s start with this question:
What is love, as you see it today?
Write about anything that comes to mind when you hear the word “love.”
Ex: Love is…
Staring into my soulmate’s deep-set eyes. My mother covering me with a blanket when I fall asleep on the couch. The sweet, sweet hot chocolate I buy myself on Fridays.
Now that you’ve defined love, ask yourself: What is not love?
You have a general picture of the beauty of love. But what are the misconceptions you’ve had about love? What have you learned to separate from love as you’ve grown over the years?
Ex: Love is not…
Always being with someone.
There’s love in being alone.There is love in working on yourself. There’s love in realization—personal realization.
How have others influenced your definition of love?
Maybe you’ve seen two people in a relationship that didn’t prioritize each other’s growth. Or maybe the way your parents treat each other defines your own idea of love.
What we observe in others shapes our understanding of love.
You may have an idealized version of it. Love is complex, but it’s forever evolving.
Ex: I see…
People kissing on a park bench and holding hands as they walk around. But love doesn’t have to be physical.
My best friends love each other, and the time they spend together, their closeness—that is love. It isn’t physical, but it still has value.
Define love as you understood it five years ago.
This is an open-ended question. How did you see love five years ago? What comes to mind?
Ex: Five years ago…
Love was a cutesy little concept. Everyone had crushes around me, so love felt like an element of fulfillment. It seemed natural to feel love at that age. That defined my perspective and intentions with love back then.
What do you want love to be?
This is probably the most difficult question here.
You’ve written so much about what love is and isn’t, but you haven’t yet separated noticed love from ideal love.
What bothers you about how you’ve defined love?
How do you want to change your definition of love to include new perspectives?
Ex: I want love to be…
Beautiful. Picturesque. Aesthetically pleasing.
I want myself to look beautiful when I’m in love, almost as if I don’t look like myself, so I know I’m worthy of love.
But that’s just what I want love to be.
I know that isn’t love.
Finally, write a letter to your future self.
Gather all these thoughts and write a short letter to your future self about what mature love means to you today.
Like I said before, love is forever evolving.
Your love has matured to a certain point today.
As time passes, the words you write today will change.
When you feel lost about love in the future—or just need a little reminder on how to go about love—this letter will show you where you were before. It can give you a path forward.
Love is a timeline.